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As I drift off, I get a text from a friend at a party asking where I am. And I'm left with the fear of facing my flatmate when she discovers the TV has vanished. WSB-TV, virtual channel 2 (UHF digital channel 39), is an ABC-affiliated television station licensed to Atlanta, Georgia, United States.So I put on my gym kit rather than my work clothes and find a space in my apartment to work out to an online episode of The Skinny Bitch Collective.According to his rules, I then reach for a new, extortionately priced juicer instead of the kettle, and prepare a special SBC smoothie, with whey protein, coconut water, blueberries, aloe vera, avocado, chia seeds and glutamine. To obtain an SBC body, I need to get down to business – stretching, jumping, squatting and crawling (yes, crawling).In that spirit, I ditch taking the Tube, which does little to 'improve the quality of my life', and reunite myself with my old university bike.I remember Russ's wise words: 'If our bodies don't move, we get good at not moving.' I'm running late – my protein and fat-based breakfast of coconut oil and eggs took a little longer to eat than the usual toast with jam. Russ's advice to the desk-job army is 'invest in your health…we weren't designed to sit at a desk and type'.Russ advises we should prepare lunch the night before to cope with our sad 'al desko' lifestyles.So I sit down to a chicken and broccoli salad that I'd prepared earlier.
He advises his clients to 'commit to eliminating anything that isn't improving the quality of your life if it isn't making you stronger'.
In order to preserve the elite nature of his brand, which is bolstered by a range of T-shirts emblazoned with the acronym SBC, you have to be invited to join one of his classes.
No doubt being famous – and skinny already – helps no end.
Instead, I opt for reading the back of the jar of almond butter I bought the night before, so I can realise how healthy this stuff is – 'a great snack', according to the Skinny Bitch King. That bike ride and those stairs have worked up an appetite. I whip up a baked salmon fillet with courgetti, pumpkin seeds and tomatoes (roasted in coconut oil, of course).
I could probably have eaten out for the cost of my meal but I have a completely flat stomach, even after eating more than I'm sure other SBs would.